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just thoughts [Jan. 21st, 2009|05:24 pm]
whenever i'm at school all i can think is "what's wrong with me?" i love being with my friends because it helps me realize that there is NOTHING wrong with me. i'm a good person and the last thing my close friends would want would be for me to change. i'm already starting to dread going back to school where my self doubt and everything will return. i already feel like i'm starting to crawl back into my cocoon.

one thing i have learned in 2008 is that two people have nothing unless they can laugh together. ian and i are wrong for each other in every way possible. i think it's not so much that i still like him as much as i can't get over what happened and i miss how things use to be. i like the memory and don't want to accept that it's just a memory and that everything is over. and for the record, i would like to, for once, be the first person to move on. it's so unfair. i'm always left with feelings meanwhile the guy moves on and/or finds someone else in no time flat. i guess i'm saying i would love a rebound just to say "see, i'm done with you. i'm over it." 

and speaking of getting totally over things, this was the first year that on January 18th i didn't think "this was the day i got my first boyfriend." it just passed me by like any other day. i feel extremely accomplished : )
hah so i guess it will be another year until i get over ian, and another 2-3 until i find someone else. i can't wait.
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first post in a while [Nov. 21st, 2008|09:29 pm]
have i really become that good at keeping everything inside?
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: ( [Oct. 15th, 2008|01:07 pm]
so my mom wont let me transfer. not even entertain the idea. she sent me a text this morning saying her and my dad didnt sleep last night and that i would either stay at maryland or work. because of this (and a lack of sleep) i have been fighting back tears all day. do i look as unhappy as i feel at the moment? i guess i do. a random guy i was walking by told me/yelled after me to smile. this has happened at least four other times in the past year or two.

and while i'm at maryland, i'm so frustrated by everything and sad that i dont have friends, how am i suppose to make friends? i'm not happy, and people dont want to be around a quiet, sulking girl. that's what i feel like im turning into. i feel like i'm losing myself.

and the one thing i like about maryland, the dorm, will be gone next year. i'll be left to find housing on my own in an apartment or a student house. then i'll feel even more disconnected from maryland and the people here. i know that there have to be people here i would get along with and could become great friends. but it's such a large school that it's almost impossible to find those people.

i have to get out of here.
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cute. strange, but cute. [Aug. 24th, 2008|10:49 pm]
 
10:36pmPerth

so last night i had this dream that i was going to see you

but i had to run to get there

so i ran to this place

and then all of a sudden all of the people in horse costumes were running away from and around me

10:36pmSara

haha

10:36pmPerth

they were on two legs though

10:36pmSara

haha! horses! yes!

10:37pmPerth

so then they took off the horse heads and i was like "Oh, it's sara's friends"

and they told me you would be there soon

and then you drove up in the car with your brother and mother and then i think it ended

i can't quite remember

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AHHH!!! [Jul. 22nd, 2008|10:39 pm]
 
10:21pmPerth

and i feel bad for this having to take place online, but i'm trapped in alabama at the moment

10:21pmSara

alrighty

10:21pmPerth

i'd just like to say

that you're one of the coolest people i've almost met, and will hopefully mt in person

and i find you very attractive

and i kind've maybe sort've like you?

10:23pmSara

man. ummm. haha i seriously don't hear that very often. and i definitly don't tell people stuff like that often. but...i sorta feel the same

10:24pmPerth

alright

so yeah

10:24pmSara

haha.

yeah i'm bad at this. considering it's only happened once.

10:25pmPerth

yeah, i'm just bad because i'm awkward

anyway

10:26pmSara

haha well at least that makes two of us!

10:26pmPerth

yeah

i really don't know what else to say

i mean

i really want to see you in person

to go further or whatever

10:27pmSara

yeah

stupid timing!

10:28pmPerth

yeah

fucking alabama

i definitely should've acted a week or two before i left

10:28pmSara

i would say fucking beach, but i'm actually excited about my beach trip

10:28pmPerth

haha

10:28pmSara

yeah. haha i was nervous. i was like "should i say we should hang out???"

10:29pmPerth

same

i mean, we could try and squeeze something in on the 2nd buuut, i might not be back till that night

or the night before

10:30pmSara

yeah. and i think i'm doing bowling on the 1st and then rachel is having a "chicken party" on the 2nd

evidently we'll justbe eating chicken, but i think it would be more exciting if we dressed up in chicken costumes

10:30pmPerth

haha

okay

well

then it sounds like that won't work out

10:31pmSara

yeah : /

and hanging out the week before the start of school. well, then there's only like a week left until we meet anyway

10:32pmPerth

yeah

sighhhh

10:32pmSara
 

so way to go us with the timing.

10:33pmPerth

yes

i guess this is what happens when two shy/awkward introverts like each other

10:33pmSara

yup. i guess so.

hah. gotta work on that

10:35pmPerth

soooo

10:35pmSara

so

10:35pmPerth

so

10:35pmSara

how's alabama?

10:35pmPerth

it's hot

and i think i have a sinus infection

and i know i have a feve

r

10:36pmSara

what?? when did this happen?

10:36pmPerth

this morning when i woke up

i probably shouldn't have run

but i did

that probably made it worse

10:36pmSara

yeah probably.

10:37pmPerth

how's maryland

10:37pmSara

its...maryland. we had a storm that lasted about 10 minutes this morning

10:37pmPerth

hey! so did we except it

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600! [Jul. 21st, 2008|08:10 pm]
achieved!!!! 
and it's only been a little under 2 months. go us. i'm not even going to bother betting on 700. i'll just let it happen.
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never mind [Jul. 16th, 2008|10:32 pm]

 

: ) 
556 and counting
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? [Jul. 16th, 2008|02:53 pm]

i dont know if we'll reach 600. the convo seems to have reached a dead end, then again ive said that like 3 or 4 times already. but this time it's not my turn to save it. 
it will be strange if we stop talking just because it's been on such a consistent basis. to just...stop, would feel awkward. it's been going on all summer. haha it's pretty much all i have going on this summer. 

eh. whatever. i'll live no matter what the outcome.

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500 achieved [Jul. 15th, 2008|11:29 am]
4 days after the previous post (aka yesterday) we reached the 500 mark. 
yeah we have no lives. 

and he can't hang out!!! i'm totally bumming. if we get along well, we get a head start on the school year! i'm impatient! and after 2 1/2 years, i have a right to be!

 so, how abut 600? can't really bet on that one since i dont know if he'll have internet in alabama for 2 weeks. grr. we better hit it off in person. otherwise i'll be sad.
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500? [Jul. 9th, 2008|05:20 pm]

anyone? i think that's a little too far off to start guessing already. but i'll take a shot. 3 weeks. sounds like a fair amount of time to reach that. 400 in a little over 1 1/2 months is mighty impressive. thats...like 75 a week, isnt it? wow. 

ahaha he already wants to meet the family. and he hasn't even met me. weird, but in the cutest way imaginable : )

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wow [Jul. 9th, 2008|10:51 am]
 i completely overestimated the amount of time it would take us to reach 400. today, july 9th, three days after my previous post, we have reached 402. 

crazy? yes. both the situation and me.
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344 [Jul. 6th, 2008|02:46 pm]
 how long will it take to get to 400? i'm thinking a little under 2 weeks.
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300! [Jul. 1st, 2008|08:39 pm]

we just hit a milestone.

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276 [Jun. 29th, 2008|10:07 pm]

how many days will it take us to make it to 300? i'm betting on 3 or less. 4 tops.

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245 [Jun. 27th, 2008|06:52 pm]
 yeah.
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228 [Jun. 25th, 2008|09:25 pm]

that's the number of comments we have put together so far. in a month. 
how embarassing if we dont get along/things dont work out in person. 

oh and before he changes it, his status on facebook is currently "(perth...) has not been kidnapped and is not being held at orientation forever and ever, though he has changed his status due to the pressing demands of a certain sara." 

that came from me telling him that he might want to change his status, since he's no longer at orientation. unless, however, some hostile OA's decided to kidnap him and keep him at orientation forever and ever. 

like i said before, if we dont get along in person it will be a terrible, terrible thing.

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alright then. [Jun. 22nd, 2008|10:33 pm]
204 total comments! that's like 5 each in one day. and as far as how to interpret the comment, i've got 3 for it probably means nothing, and 1 for it sounds sexual. my vote isnt counted in that because i honestly have no idea. this is so weird! how is such a cute, nice, funny guy talking to me/interested in hanging out with me? i will never know.
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comments [Jun. 22nd, 2008|02:43 pm]

we're up to 195 total. 10 pages. and that is in a little under a month. 
and he said he's also awkward/shy around large groups of unfamiliar people. 
ahahaha laura and kelly were so funny last night watching the guitar video. 
Their funniest comment on the video:

Kelly: all i have to say is he love you long time
Laura: or at least 5 minutes
Kelly: which is longer than most

dear lord. honestly, i am becoming more and more pesimistic each day (shouldnt it be the other way around?). oh well. hope is overated anyway, right?  at least laura and kelly seem to be 100% convinced that it's going to work out and that something is going to happen.

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is this happening? [Jun. 17th, 2008|11:14 pm]
so as i'm sure all (one) of you know, i've been communicating online with a guy named ian. never met the kid, but i will. and the more i think about it, the more afraid i am that i will mess this up. because at this point in time, he seriously seems perfect. he posseses many of the qualities i look for in a guy, if not all of them. i'll list em
1) he exercises 
2) doesnt drink or do drugs
3) is funny
4) i seem to be able to carry a conversation with him
5)  i can make a joke or say something that most people might look at me funny about, and he seems to get it
6) looks fairly attractive
7) friendly
8) likes the outdoors/cares about nature! yay!
9) he has good taste in music (this should be at the top of the list, but i'm too lazy to move it)
10) i think he's either athiest or agnostic. hoorah!
11) he plays guitar (musician. mmm)
12) umm...he appears to be interested so far. and at least wants to be my friend : ) 

in conclusion, i think that i will most likely mess this up somehow. this is too perfect and way too easy. what's the catch? i'm worried that once he meets me in person he'll think that i'm boring or not the same person i seemed to be online. or we wont click at all. or both of us will be extremely quiet and it wil just be weird.
aaaahhhhh i dont know! all of these worries are starting to bother me. damn you, e-crush!
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(no subject) [Apr. 29th, 2008|10:21 pm]
 "and every kiss you get
and every chance you miss
every shooting star
every touch of god
every town you pass
every mark you scratch
every tidal wave
every brand new day
reminds you how alone you are."



"The sun breaks against the sprain parkway
and I'm convinced that beauty exists
but only when my back is turned
so I close the space between breaks and heel
I'm starting to think that when my eyes close
the whole world disappears

We are holding our breath
and waiting to die from loneliness
we are holding our breath
we are the dirt that eats its self

Are you holding your breath now?
is this moment perfect?"

Goddamn i love the age of rockets. 
feeling a tad down. hopefully it will go away asap. every time i spend time with the people on my floor it just reminds me of how lonely i am. and how quiet i am. and how i am just not comfortable talking. ahhhhh. i just want people who appreciate me. i bendover backwards for people in the hopes that they will somehow like me more. i am just too damn nice for my own good.
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